How many of us jump from one relationship to the next and dread time alone?
How many stay in a relationship/marriage for an image, society, or mere business arrangements for the kids or in-laws?
How many settle in marriages with an emotionally distant partner?
How many settle in sexless marriages?
How many settle for the finances?
How many make excuses for years for a cheating partner, claiming it is out of love?
Or even, stay in a marriage that entails all of the questions above?
How many of us play the blame game for each others emotions, and yet, still stay in the same relationship?
How many of us actually take the time to reflect within and question which part of us is choosing to love another? And why?
How many of us assess our attachments to others?
I believe that most people today end up in relationships that fulfill their Ego’s, rather than their heart’s and Soul’s. They are staying in it not out of love, but out of fear. Many even think that fact they feel they “need” their partner validates the truth to their “love”. It is the absolute contrary.
Relying on outside people/things/statuses/emotions caused by others to validate yourself and feel security (be it emotionally and/or financially) and value is NOT love. Clinging to others and relationships like your self-worth and life depend on it is again, NOT love.
You see, your Ego cannot love to begin with, it only ever desires, wants, and “needs”.. in most cases selfishly. Many need to realize that their personal relationships are not based on love, they are based on their fears- particularly the first few in ones life.
We cross paths with the people in our life for a reason. Some seem like blessings, others like curses. And little do you know that those that give you the worst of experiences will be your greatest teachers. What is happening in your life, is not happening to you- it’s happening FOR you; for you to grow, to be your authentic self, to heal your childhood wounds, to learn self-love and respect,.. all this cannot be achieved when you are loving from your Ego. Because when you do that, you give away your own power to control your heart, mind, and emotions to someone that could simply destroy it. Who is that person? YOU. You do it simply by making yourself believe you need someone to survive, that someone is grasping your heart, and overtaking your mind… that is not love. You give yourself away to be taken for granted by being so codependent.
You want to know what love is?
It is full trust in and respect of another.
It is leaving the doors wide open and not worried your beloved would stray.
It is a friendship with a burning fire of passion and chemistry between two (although on some days you do not feel neither at their height).
It is an emotional and physical intimacy beyond explanation.
It is successful communication.
It is discovering solace, comfort, and your home in another.
It is finding a harmony and security in silence (some days it is mad passionate arguments as well).
It is a feeling of oneness with another, yet, free of attachments.
But above all, what love truly is is much more than what I have mentioned.
True love is leaving someone you know you should not be with no matter how much you love him/her, rather than possessing them and keeping them hostage to your dreams or needs.
It is a gift one makes and grants to another. It is a gift of the heart, without a bond further than that of the heart, mind, soul, and body. It need not no documents to sign.
It is being happy for others that have found a rare other half, even when you have not.
It is when you give affection and appreciation to another who will not return the same back. You love for who they are, and not what they have to offer you.
It is reaching out with care to even those that hate you.
It is choosing to be kind over being right.
It is seeking the good in another even when they maybe covered in flaws.
Love is even feeling content and grateful when your partner parts you for his/her wellbeing and integrity. Love is not for your sake, it is for the beloved’s. You care for the other as much as yourself.
It is putting someone’s health, happiness, integrity, dignity, rights, and needs equally to yours. And on some days, above yours.
The only love that is true and lasts is the one that is selfless and on both sides, that is you would be balanced as individuals in that you both give without asking. It is unconditional, the heart does not sign contracts or sign leases. It does not set up conditions that if broken you keep own the person for your sake.
If you want love, then be love. Mirror what you want in your partner. Give without thinking of what you will get in return.
You know you have mastered unconditional love when you learn to love another without wanting them. That is, you love him/her as you would love your own son or daughter. Yes even if you are already in a relationship. You see them through “family” eyes- regardless of their age- you just want to see them flourish to their best selves. This a love not easy for many, for it requires true self-love and respect, a moral character, as well as, a conscious soul.
The best love comes from loving and not desiring or needing the beloved.
In the end, the truth is when you learn self-love and live in tune with your greater Spirit you realize you do not really need anyone. You will live with or without the ones you thought you cannot bear waking up a day without them by your side.
I used to always think that if someone loves you, they must be present and in your life, if not daily. Now I know.. some people you should only love from a distance- that is the only way to keep your happiness and peace and live in accord to your own self-love. The heart will want whom it wants, that person maybe anything but for your own good.
I am not saying it will be pain-free, it won’t and for long, but one day the only thing you will feel is a boundless river of love overflowing within you. You will illuminate your own heart and soul, even if it is from ashes!
On a similar note I feel the need to mention this as an ending:
It is not some man or woman that put love in your heart. But God. He’s the one and only sustainer of pure and true unconditional love. God is Love. And it is your duty to find it within you before seeking it elsewhere. Always make sure you let the love for God be greater than your love for anyone. Because trust me, this world will tear you apart from your most beloved, but never from His love!