I have always longed to belong. Not to a place, but people. I want to find my people that feel like home.
I have come to find that us, free spirited thinkers, will always be challenged when it comes to belonging. Especially those of us born in families that are the polar opposite of us and who we strive to become.
It’s not because we can’t sign up, promise anything, have a membership anywhere, or join groups.. or in my case, commit to someone other than myself just because I “should” by now.. nope. It’s because us free thinkers and spirits, we don’t do the conformities of societies.
We can’t be labeled. We can’t be defined. We don’t want to be associated to anything either. We are always on the move. We live anonymously. We don’t hunt or gather, but we also don’t join. We’re just untamed.
You can’t change us into what you think we should be, be it as a daughter/son and/or man/woman.
To change us into your expectations would be to belittle our greatness. To expect us to be like you just because you’re like all the others before you, will always make us run uphills. We are not to be restrained. We can commit, but we won’t conform to your so called norms.
Belonging is something we all long for, even those that already have someone- but the wrong one- still will long for that true belonging that strengthens your individual freedom. Because you feel a loss of self when you’re with the wrong person. The worst loneliness is when you actually feel it with company by your side.
You see, alone I’m strong, very strong. But I know in the right healthy relationship, I would be even stronger. It’s a fact that in numbers you are all greater in strength than when alone. Many simply win because they’re outnumbered.
We weren’t made to be all alone or else we’d self-destruct. We’d drown in thoughts of independence, false beliefs, self-questionings and get lost in angst. All those anxieties and worries our mind clouds our heart and soul with. We all need others to see our troubled self-reflections and to see our own thoughts and emotions with clarity and purposeful objective. Being alone for very long would drive one mentally insane.
But saying this, don’t just let loneliness or your need to belong or be needed lead you to the arms of just anyone. I won’t ever belong to anyone that would give up my personal autonomy. No matter how old or “lonely” I get at points.
You see, to belong isn’t something you can force. It’s not to give into the mainstream life traditions, your family, and society have previously set for you.
Belonging it means to accept and understand, instead of judge and force change.
It is to allow room for free thoughts and opinions, instead of group thinking or the majority winning.
It is to listen more than you tell, with an open heart and mind and not just your ears.
It is to hold yourself accountable for everything and anything that happens to you and all that you feel, instead of blaming others and roaming through life as you play victim.
It is to be a person of integrity, instead of hypocrisy and falsehood just so you’d fit in with the masses.
It is to be committed to oneself and not feel the need to conform to others for approval or applaud.
It is to be independent in your participation, instead of being authoritative. You deal with others to inspire and lead by example, and not to dominate. You don’t force your beliefs on anyone. You let go of your need to be always right.
Belonging isn’t ownership of one another. Even when you’re married, it’s not.
Belonging is freedom of self.
Belonging is an extension of real love and of one’s true essence.
And if you find someone that helps mirror the best in you and strengthens your personal autonomy then you’ve got all the belonging you need in this world. The best abode of all becomes a heart and soul of another.
For now, I believe some of us weren’t made to belong. Like Elizabeth Lowell said, “Some of us have to turn the world upside down and shake the hell out of it until we make our own place in it.”