On Being Single & Having Children

For me being single is a CHOICE. It’s a choice I make almost everyday.
Getting asked why I am isn’t exactly nice when you all have your presumptions.
Yes, I turn down good-looking rich guys and men all the time. It’s not because I’m arrogant and full of myself however.
Why I choose to stay that way?
Well, it’s one simple fact: I don’t have anyone I want to be in a relationship with.
I prefer nobody to anybody. I don’t just want any ‘man’.
I prefer being alone and happy, than having to put an effort and being not so happy in a duo.
I prefer my own company instead of another’s that would feel like a burden even if just at points.
I prefer being self-centered and self-focused till I can find someone who has the same priorities. A companion of self and no less.
I also do not want a relationship I have to work hard for from the start- it’s either mad love and an unexplainable soul union.. or nothing thank you! I know what I want takes time… and I have all the time I need!
I don’t want someone with heavy baggage either, I expect to attract someone that mirrors me: has self-respect, self-dignity, self-discipline, integrity, knows who he is, what he wants, and his values clearly. Someone that lives with a passion for love and life. I can go on and on, but my list is all qualities of character. I surely do not care for finances nor is looks at the top of my list.
I do not settle. I expect the man to rise up to my standards, I surely won’t lower mine.
I am entirely self-defined and self-reliant. I never required a relationship to be fulfilled, feel worthy, happy, and in love.
I’m in love everyday.

And to those that ask me: “don’t you want to ever be a mother?” For now and the next few years surely not. I spent my childhood being one! You all the underestimate a mother’s role that primarily should be built upon a foundation of a strong confident self-loved woman and wife first.

I think children are worth EVERYTHING, they are the hopeful future. This is how much I think children are worth: I wish everyone who wanted a family would realize there are one too many kids without a home. Kids longing for any affection, shelter, and belonging. Yes, it’s a long haul to adopt and quite costly but oh so worth it!
I wish people thought of everyone as their own blood. Not just those they make. It doesn’t have to grow in you for 9 months to be worth loving as your own. That’s true unconditional love, not what you claim just for popping your own baby and only feel towards him/her!
If I were to have a child, I would adopt. No way I could look those children in the eyes and say “well, I knew you existed as an option, but I wanted my own genes to survive and continue the family tree by blood only to please the grandparents or in-laws”.

Yes, even if I’ve found my man by then and I want a child, I’d wait years to have one with him. I’d also certainly still adopt. What women don’t see is, it’s not about wanting a child for a reason or not. You don’t have one for your inner voids sake or to keep the husband. Not because he is your husband it means he’ll make a good father. I wouldn’t just give any man a part of me. Personally, even if I’m single by the time I’d want a child, I’d adopt. I certainly wouldn’t get married to any man to have one! It was never about the child, it was about the right man and father. And if I haven’t found him well then, don’t need him! I can tell you even from now years ahead my children would be healthier and happier than any kids in a stable but unhappy home due to the two spouses unfulfulling toxic relationship.

It saddens me seeing so many mothers have children when they are not ready at all. I have met the most irresponsible mothers in the past few years. It was overwhelmingly shocking for me at first. They have children simply because they think it’s their “natural calling”, “it’s about time,” they need to spice up there loveless marriage, or because they should since they are married. Many others have them to make sure the husband won’t go easy, now he’s bound to them by court.
It saddens me seeing them have children in homes where their marriage relationship isn’t a healthy loving one to begin with. Not only does the woman make her man, but yes, you make your child through your relationship with him! The worst thing you can do is bring up a child when your husband doesn’t love or respect you. No, it will not bring you two closer. It will only bring up one screwed up broken child and even adult later.
It saddens me that I find women having children to define them and their worth… and fill a void a child should NOT be filling because they are unfulfilled as women and as wives. Certainly, if you do not see yourself as beautiful and worthy and you do not love yourself fully, do not dare have a child! I’ve seen women have children just for the attention and praises they get! A child is no accomplishment for applaud in my world!
It saddens me that the purpose behind lasting marriages is only “for the kids,” that it’s all about a portrait to keep up and a roof to be under regardless of the fact it is a toxic one. That kids have become nothing more than an excuse to keep two messed up irresponsible “adults” together in misery although a stable one!

It saddens me that everyone doesn’t really know the definition to a family bonded by a true loving attachment. I’ll tell you, my truest family, is certainly not blood-related!

So you see, children are the world to me. But you’re all doing it oh so very wrong!

Life is all about constant motion and change. Not to progress and remain stagnant is to move backward. You must keep moving forward. This applies to relationships, especially marriages, if you are not evolving, as INDIVIDUALS and together as ONE then you are withering to ruins. If you and your partner are not growing together, you are dying together. Bringing a child into such a marriage will not help you grow! If anything it will eliminate your SELF that obviously you need to work on much before you decide to be responsible for another life! You are not having a child as a distraction from your self-issues and bad marriages!

I haven’t met a spouse that has gotten the idea of marriages and family correctly. No wonder all I meet are a bunch of lonely miserable men and bitter lost women! You should take care of YOURSELF first. Your MARRIAGE second. And then decide from there after testing your relationship and love for YEARS to have a child. And from there on, you still go first, and your marriage still goes second, and then your KIDS third. Trust me, how you treat yourself and how you treat your partner is the most important blueprint for child at all ages! All else will fall into place.

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