The hardest, yet most essential lesson in life: letting go.
As you grow older and go further in your journey in life, you will come to know that the way to health and happiness is not the addition or gain of something or someone in your external world, but instead, it is removal, detachment, and letting go.
Attachment can never bring you happiness. It binds you to things and others leading you to think you need them, not just to be happy, but to survive. If anything, freeing yourself, and practicing detachment is the only way to be truly happy. Realizing that happiness is a self-effort from within and that you are complete as a whole; there is no thing, person, or relationship you require to be complete, for there is no void! That is true empowerment, to recognize that your inner fulfillment and joy does not necessitate any external force for you to be at peace and harmony.
Letting go is a scary experience, for many they feel as though they are getting rid of a part of themselves. They prefer the known past, even if it is miserable, at least they know it can’t get any worse- rather than, leaping into a future of the unknown. As frightening as letting go maybe it is the only way to truly heal in life and move forward to the better. You need to learn to let go of your past primarily, of people, relationships, emotions, friends, and well, any other baggage that weighs you down in your life, could be your own family even!
We’ve all been in toxic relationships were you think your life without that person cannot go on. You feel sudden emptiness and death within without their presence in your life. And although the person you love may make you happy sometimes, mostly they can be bringing out the worst in you or simply not allowing you the room to grow. But because you love, you think you need. That is particularly the case with a first love. You find yourself in a cycle of on and offs. An emotional roller coaster where you end up heart broken more than once, yet you still find yourself unable to say “no” and reject their presence in your life.
The thing is with relationships, many fail because people build their life around relationships, instead of building their relationship around their life. Nevertheless, when a relationship brings you more doubt than securities, more pain than happiness, more ambiguities than faith, more lies than truths, changes you to someone you are not,.. any of the examples mentioned, it’s time to let go. When you are in a relationship, it will leak into all areas of your life if it is not a healthy and happy one! You need to believe for fact that in order for you to to rise higher as an individual and in this life, you MUST break away from relationships that are limiting you. Doesn’t matter if you love the person to an extent you think you need him/her, doesn’t matter what you share; a home and children, how many years you’ve been together,.. nothing matters at this point if you are in an unhealthy relationship. Trust me, you will lose yourself and your essence! What’s more, you’re probably missing out on a true partner and companion that would put you first in life and show you the true love and affection we all deserve! You will never get what you deserve if you do not let go of what you’re supposed to.
At the end of every day, it’s always better to be alone than among someone you feel lonely with and/or a relationship which causes you to sacrifice your happiness and dignity! Respect yourself enough to walk away from those that do not serve you.
What I’ve learned for sure is, sometimes the reason you meet someone is simply so you’d teach yourself how to let go. It is the only way to move on in life. Generally, this means forgetting what you feel and only keeping focused on what you deserve. It may not be what you want but it is what you need.
Recognize that nobody can force you to stay with him/her in a relationship that doesn’t bring you happiness or serve you positively. No matter what threats they make, be it the no self-esteem women that profess they’ll commit suicide or harm themselves, or whether threaten with the children.. whatever it maybe, every person is responsible for him/herself. The reason they react as such is out of issues with themselves, inner battles that have nothing to do with YOU! You have to look out for YOU and nobody else. The longer you hang on to someone/something you are meant to let go of, the worse it gets, it also becomes you comfort zone to live without dignity, and well, the harder it is to let go!
I’d have to agree on the notion that “life is unfair,” however, when you realize the power of CHOICE that is granted to everyone in this life, you can begin to see life as fair!
You may not have a choice in who crosses your path in life and stays, however you can always walk away from people.
You may have a body that is genetically bigger than you wish, yet, you have the choice to put your body to use and control your genetics instead of using them as an excuse!
You are alive, yet, you can choose to be miserable or happy- and act accordingly in life.
You can choose to give up or follow your dreams.
You can choose to fight for the one you love or you can vacillate in fear of realities. Or you can demit in surrender without even trying.
You can remain in that job position you despise or you can quit. Or even, you can choose to see your job in a different light.
You can blame someone for letting you down and hold them responsible for your anger and bitterness, or you can address your expectations and needs and choose to be your own emotional boss. You can let go of the negative emotions and instead replace them with positive ones.
Point is, almost always, you have a choice if not several!
Of course, when you let go, pain is inevitable. So don’t vacillate, you are on the right track, it’s perfectly normal to feel pain, to worry, and to grieve. It is just the way life is. However, here is where choice happens: you can choose to dwell on your losses and let your past take over your todays and be miserable or you can be a pioneer of your future and choose to see your losses as a blessing in disguise. Not getting what you want, many times is a stroke of luck, if you are patient enough life will reward you with better and greater things later on.
Many times, letting go is simply learning to love yourself MORE. You will never find someone that loves you when you are residing to a life with one that NEVER will. The person you end up with and the relationships you settle for say a lot about who you are and the problems you have with YOURSELF. Asses them first, even if it means getting professional help, then ask yourself truthfully why you are in this.
Time you say goodbye to your comfort zone. Little did you know, comfort zones do not necessarily aid your best interest or wellbeing. This means letting go of old habits, of old attitudes, of old thoughts and ideas, and people. Instead of making excuses about what you may have to sacrifice or waste time wallowing in justifications, choose to embrace change!
Remember that letting go is not an instantaneous happening! You won’t be healed, free and happy suddenly- instead, you will have good days and bad days. It is a process that takes time depending on how long you’ve been holding on. You will go steps forwards and other days, backwards. That is okay, as long as you keep restarting, strengthening the correct beliefs, and keep moving forward to your promising future.